A More Modern Masculine: Beginning To Re-Train Male Thinking In The #MeToo World (Please Ask The MEN You Know To Read This, Or They WON’T! And men, actually READ THIS)

You may have noticed that the title of this article tells men they need to read this — I put that there because, typically, I have found far more women are interested in spending time and energy to consciously design their dynamic with the opposite sex while men tend not to do so. In our culture, up to now, men’s interest in this topic is highest around learning basic teenage stuff like how to meet girls, get numbers, and ‘get laid, but the deeper emotional maturity part gets FAR less attention and effort from most guys. Men AND women will benefit from reading this, but because I know many women will already click I needed to get the guys in here so I can help them too. This is only part one, as I am sure I will need to add more to this.

You see, guys, there are some things you need to know about who and how to be right now, at this big moment in gender dynamics.

So instead of you being afraid of the unknown, grey area called change I will start your journey by spelling some things out with clarity for you.

1) Do not give you opinions on what women ‘should’ or ‘should not’ wear.
This is the first of many things you will need to re-train your thinking on. Don’t judge a woman by her clothes. Now it may take awhile to change your thinking, so in the interim don’t TELL women OR other men your opinions on what a grown woman should or shouldn’t be wearing. You see, that’s actually not up to us. Work on changing your thinking, but ’til then, at least hold your tongue (and that includes social media).

2) You being uncomfortable with powerful women is NOT a reason for them to stop being powerful.
Look, when things change it’s uncomfortable, okay? Be a man and handle the discomfort as you re-learn a better way to relate with women. INSTEAD it’s an invitation to examine the source of your own discomfort. Ask yourself “Why does this make me so uncomfortable? What am I REALLY afraid of?” then take responsibility for your own fear and work on that instead of attempting to control and blame the other person for it.Just look at YOUR fears instead of trying to push a powerful woman back into a smaller box. This will go a long way towards peace, harmony and love on our planet. Thanks for your contribution.

3) You have every right to tell her how you feel, but not to tell her how SHE should feel.
As I am writing these I am realizing I’m basically re-parenting you. This shit should have been inculcated into all people at a young age. Express your feelings honestly, and early. This avoids all sorts of pitfalls, like being frustrated that your needs are unmet and being passive aggressive with a partner, etc. A lot of the #metoo problems could be prevented with honest, open communication MUCH earlier. It can be super scary for men to share feelings. We were not given high fives in the locker room in high school for this. In my case, being a sensitive sharer got me bullied at times — but I continued to be expressive of what I feel, want and need. Real courage is what you exhibit when you feel vulnerable and uncomfortable yet still express your truth, so if it’s uncomfortable to share your feelings learn how to do it more easily. This does not give you license to angrily yell at your partner, or anyone but instead invites you to first look at your OWN fears and feelings, then communicate your feelings without an emotional charge. You’ll find that when you become a better sharer, you will be a better listener to OTHER people’s feelings. It’s a two way street. By the way, these are not just things to help your romantic relationships, this will massively improve your work life, friendships, family relationships and on and on. Learn to share feelings so you are comfortable with others doing the same. And until then, do not try to prevent them from sharing their feelings when they choose to do so. Again, we want respectful communication both ways. Just because you are not good at this yet doesn’t mean you should badger other people into coming down to your level of under-expressiveness. Step up your game to their level instead.

4) Women do not OWE you anything sexual.
I don’t care if you bought them a yacht, or just a burger, you do not buy or own women. The idea of others as property supposedly went out with slavery and yet many men have held on to an old concept of ‘bought and paid for’ expectation with women’s sexual favors. Perhaps some men using prostitutes reinforces this mindset for them, but guys just stop that shit already. If you continue down this path of beleiving women owe you sexual favors because you did them career favors, or ‘gave’ them something (by the way it is NOT giving when you expect something in return), if you continue down THIS path in the new world you will meet ruin. Guaranteed. In case you missed the memo, and the movement, and the zeitgeist, and the reality around you here it is in all caps so pay attention or suffer the consequences later: “WOMEN ARE DONE BEING TREATED LIKE SEX OBJECTS”. Now, for those who think this gets in the way of how sexuality has worked for eaons, I respond, “The only change we MUST make is to accept women as human beings with a sexual side, rather than OBJECTS made for sex”. We are not telling you to see women completely non-sexually, we are reminding you that these are PEOPLE not THINGS… and their sexuality is THEIRS, not YOURS. Respect that, respect them, and enjoy whatever fun mutually enjoyable sexploits ensue. Mutually role-playing certain things sexually still works, but you ASSUMING you have some sort of sexual entitlement over a woman because of her gender, finances, work relationship with you, or power imbalance of some kind just doesn’t fly.

5) Respect her “No”
Do we really need to contiually go over this one? I guess so, until our society really gets it. So guys, pay attention, when a woman does not want to do something with you (sexual or otherwise) and tells you so, respect it. Stop. Respect her. Respect her boundaries. Respect her right to say “No.”

So, how many of you men are still with me? If I could peer out into the room of readers, is there a lone man left amid a sea of powerful women who are still reading this? I hope there is more than one man still standing. Because we NEED to care. I hope upon hope that gradually we men can begin to raise our standard for how we relate to women not because we HAVE to, but because we truly, sincerely WANT to. It’s the right thing to do. It’s the right time. Actually, fellas, it’s WAY past time to get this done.

So get to work.

Tags: barry paul price, communicate, discomfort, Empowerment, express, expression, fear, gender, gender dynamics, love, male thinking, masculinity, metoo, mew type of man, modern masculinity, new man, no means no, powerful woman, powerful women, relationship expert, relationships, relationships., strong woman, women's empowerment