“What Attracts A Man Instead Of A Boy?”

If you want to attract the right man, instead of a constant stream of immature boys, into your life then you need to know and practice the three F’s that strong, supportive, and secure men agree they find alluring in a woman. These are “Fun, Flow, and Femininity”. Fun includes laughing, flirting and a sense of humor. Flow is the flow of giving and receiving, which we cover in-depth in the Date Men, Not Boys course and one-on-one coaching. The final F, which I want to talk about today, is Femininity.

This doesn’t mean acting like a 1950’s housewife or giggling schooligirl, by the way. Feminism empowered women in a lot of very fantastic and valuable ways, which I believe in whole-hearetedly. Remember, I had a single, successful working mother. Feminism also meant men needed to adjust how we regarded and treated women in everyday interactions. Feminine and Masculine are less about gender, and more about a certain set of character traits and energy. Masculine energy is defined by those who study the field as logical, analytical, goal-driven, less empathetic, focused on narrowing options and being decisive. Feminine energy is more spontaneous, creative, and enjoys exploring a wide array of options. The masculine avoids showing vulnerability, never asks for help, and tries to do it all on its own. The feminine is collaborative, affectionate, and very sensitive toothers’ needs.

After two decades of women who cultivated theyir masculine energy in the male-dominated workplace, women carried more masculine energy home from their job. Men adjusted by becoming the sort of spineless, wimpy ‘Yes’ men that led to guys like Hugh Grant as a leading man in romantic movies of the 90’s. Unfortunately, with this came more and more men relying on their woman to be the strong, protective, financially supportive one in the relationship. In short, because women were more capable and empowered, the men started to act like boys. Recently, women have gotten tired of this and we are hearing more women asking “what happened to all the men?” Hanna Roison’s book, “The End of Men” is a great example of how widespread this has become.

So we know you want to attract a man, not a boy, right? But what should you do to attract him? Well, here is how to embrace your empowered feminine in a way that invites a masculine man to be drawn to you. First, cultivate your feminine side with creative, spontaneous activities like dancing, painting, gardening and even shopping. Yes, shopping has actually been proven to increase oxytocin (a well-being neuro-hormone) levels in women but not men. Second, a lot of women are so used to being independent and self-sufficient nowadays that’s it’s more rare for you to express your needs or vulnerability. This is what was happening to the client I mentioned. She had constructed a fulfilling life, and when she’d meet men she would tell them stories about the fun trip her Mom and her took every year up the Pacific Coast Highway in her convertible. Her life sounded fun and great! There was just one problem: there was no room for a guy in it.

Guys need to feel useful. If we meet a woman who has no need for us, we simply move on until we find one we can be useful to. This is because our highest purpose is service to you. We want to please our woman (once we find her), so we try to select women whom we can do things for, and whom we believe we could satisfy. If men you get along with aren;t asking you on dates, there is a good chance the chemistry is being short-circuited by them not seeing where they fit into your life.

In my client’s case, I had her begin to let guys know she loved her trips up the coast, but would enjoy it even more with a guy next to her to share the view. She took that mentality into all her interactions with men, and soon men could see where they fit into her life. After months with no dates, she had a date within a week. Of course, you don;t want to come across as needy, “I’m so lonely, would you be willing to come with me?” is a turn-off too. You have to be happy and already meeting your own needs, but acknowledge that you could be even happier with the right company. Let us men know how we could add value to your already-great life. Letting us know you need to fix your doorknob again, but may hire a guy because you’re tired of doing it and having it break again, gives us an opening to play the hero for you. That doesn’t make you helpless, it makes you human.

If you practice and give permission to your powerful feminine side, soon you’ll attract men who can handle it instead of ones who are intimidated by it. Try a little self-respecting vulnerability on for size, and see how it alters the way men interact with you. He’ll treat you less like a buddy and more like a lady. Try the first “F” of WHAT a man wants, and soon you can be driving up the coast in a convertible next to that special someone.

If you want to learn more about the other two F’s, you may do so in our “Date Men, Not Boys” program or contact us for a mentoring application. Next week’s article will address WHY understanding self-sabotage is the key to you bringing your soulmate into your life! If you are looking for love that can last a lifetime, you don’t want to miss this one. See you next week!