When did men stop being gentlemen who treat women like ladies? Well, I want women to notice that what happened to some men was, when feminism rose men began to get mixed signals about what it was okay to do for women and what women wanted to do for themselves.
Now, the truth is, women can do anything and everything for themselves quite capably, but when some men were treated as chauvinists for offering to do things for women… women ended up throwing out the baby with the bathwater. Sure, in the 70’s and 80’s (and even today) some men were coming from a chauvinistic place but many many men (especially today) were simply doing what was natural to them… treating the women with respect by wanting to be of service to them. But because men got negative feedback many times about this, they stopped doing it….
Now, add to that that many men today are like Peter Pans, immature teenagers in a grown men’s bodies. These narcisscists may not have fully emotionally matured and are more self-centered, willing to put their needs first UNLESS a woman clearly and confidently expresses her own needs and boundaries.
What do I mean? Consider this:
I had a very successful client whose homework was to let men open doors for her (like in the photo above, but also doors at the office, at stores, restaurants, etc). Her first reaction was “No way!” She was uncomfortable looking like she needed anything from a man. In short, she had forgotten how to receive as a lady. She felt it was weakness to receive. Meanwhile, her resistance to receiving was really based in fear that she’d be taken advantage of if she didn’t seem strong and independent. She had to learn to let go of these fears (through our coaching) to finally be willing to let men open doors for her.
But even THEN she hit resistance once she actually got somewhere where she needed a door opened. She’d get to the door and think “This idiot’s not going to open it, so I better do it myself before I end up standing here.” She was avoiding the pain of possible disappointment… the SAME THING she had been doing in her love life by not dating! (And yet wondering why she had no soulmate).
That ‘flinch’ moment of assuming the worst about a man (“He’ll let me down”) was cutting her off from receiving acts of service and from feeling like a lady!
I coached her to sit through the discomfort of that flinch point by repeating to herself (with feeling) that she KNEW she deserved to have doors opened for her. Well, guess what… doors began opening. And what’s more she felt ALIVE again, and vibrant, and SEEN and feminine. She began to wear dresses more, got her nails done, and simply celebrate feeling womanly.
Did she lose her power? No. Did she lose her great career? No. Was she taken advantage of? No
She was powerful AND feminine. She was safe. PLUS she felt seen and valued.
This happened through simple homework of letting men open ALL doors for her (she was forbidden from touching a doorknob that week) and then coaching her through all the emotional fears and self-defense mechanisms that came up. She couldn’t receive until she felt safe. And she couldn’t feel safe until we coached her on how to set boundaries with men, so she knew she’d never be taken advantage of. Once she knew she was safe, doors began to open for her… not just physical doors, but ones in her career, her friendships, her family relationships (healing a rift with her father), and her love life (as she began to meet men who were givers, not takers).
Are there still men who will open doors? Yes.
The real question is, are there still women who BELIEVE in themselves (and in men) enough to allow these doors to be opened?
Much Love,
Barry
p.s. – If you want to practice your receptivity, check out my free 21-Day Soulmate Meditation series where we use short 5-8 minute daily audio meditations open your feminine receptivity! Click here to get your first audio mediation today –> http://datemennotboys.com/love2
Tags: feminine, feminine energy, feminism, gentleman, independent, love, male female dynamic, manners, meet the right man, men, open door, polarity, protection, receiving, tough, treat me like a lady
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