How To Gracefully Say No To Men In 3 Easy Steps

Meeting men also means running across a lot of boys. It’s not fun to deal with unwanted attention, especially if you aren’t *sure* how to deal with it. In fact, dating anxiety is really just another way of saying, “I hate when it gets awkward around a guy!”

That can mean freezing like a deer in headlights when a guy asks for your number, and giving it to him when you really aren’t sure you want to date him (or worse, you already *know* you don’t really want to date him).

It can mean setting a boundary with a guy from work, or an old college friend who contacts you through the computer.

Here’s the TRUTH – Worrying about this stuff will make the mere thought of meeting men seem stressful! That can keep you from getting out of the house. Stop you from making eye contact with men. Get you to purposely be unapproachable, so you can at least feel safe.

So how can you feel comfortable and confident that you can easily handle the guys you don;t want attention from and say “No thanks” to them, so you feel safe enough to put out an approachable vibe to other men? Simple. Use these three steps the next time you’re searching for a graceful exit from any interaction with a man:

The 1-2-3 Exit Plan

1) Validate!

We always start with a positive. “It was nice seeing you again” if it’s an old aquaintance. “Well, thanks for the help with ___” if it’s a co-worker who helped you at the copier, or a stranger at the grocery store who was talking to you about picking breakfast cereals. Find some positive thing to validate as the first step of your 1-2-3 Exit Plan.

2) Set a clear boundary. OWN YOUR “NO”

Say “No” to his offer. Do not try to soften it to spare his feelings. If you do this, he will NOT hear the no. Men have been designed through millemia to attempt things like prove the world is round while others told us the world was definitely flat, and to climb castle walls while the people up top poured hot molten lava on our heads. Yet we will do things anyways if we think there is even the slightest glimmer of hope.

If you qualify your “No” then we think you may be unsure of yourself.

If you aren’t certain about saying “No” then maybe we can convince you or sway you. So we will push more. If you do not want the messy, awkward silence after you’ve *thought* you said no, but he took it as “Try harder” and asked you AGAIN, then take my advice.

DEFINITELY never apologize as you say “No” to a man!

“I’m sorry, but I can’t go out that night because I have another commitment…” is not only weak and uncertain (male translation: Try harder and you’ll convince her!) but adding the excuse at the end (“Im busy” instead of the honest “I’m not interested”) makes us think you actually *might* be interested in us if only that pesky schedule weren’t getting in the way. We better try asking you out again, on another night, in that case, when you don’t have a commitment!

Own your “No” ladies! It’s the most powerful word (after “love”) in our language. Ever seen a two year old learn the word “No”? They sense how powerful it is and spend the next month saying “No!” to everything, especially to Mommy. Make sure you own the power of “No.”

3) Have an Exit Move

Ever said “No thanks” to a guy and then there’s just this super-awkward silence after? Nice, huh? I bet you enjoyed that! How would you like a way to avoid that? And avoid him coming back at you with another attempt to salvage his ego by convincing you to do what he wants.

Here it is — have an EXIT MOVE!

An exit move is what we would have called a “button” at the end of a scene when I worked in comedy.

In your case, the exit move is a button on the end of an interaction! It’s a single move that completes the interaction in a pleasant way and leave no room for him to continue. If you get this down, it’s like sticking the landing in gymnastics. It may take a little practice, but once you have it, you’ll be grateful forever.

The Exit Move is simply a physical gesture you make which is warm, like a wave, or touch on the shoulder, AS YOU ARE SAYING GOODBYE and ALREADY MOVING AWAY from him (This is very important so read that again!)

As you say, “It was nice seeing you. Bye.” you are simultaneously doing your little wave, and turning your body away from the man as you begin moving away from him. You must be moving away and turning away *before* you finish speaking. this is how you prevent him responding. The second you are done saying “Bye” your head and shoulders are already pointing away and you are walking away.

Now, sometimes guys will try to “suck you back in” by saying something. If he tries to suck you back in, do NOT turn back. Just look over your shoulder and repeat the goodbye as you keep moving.

If you can do this, you’ll start scoring perfect 10’s for how you interact with men. More importantly, you’ll feel more confident allowing yourself to actually MEET men, because you won’t be terrified of getting trapped into an awkward situation. You’ll know you can handle any guy you run across without having to make it unpleasant.

So that’s the 1-2-3 Exit Plan — But even if you know this, it will still be hard to use it!

Why?

Because the real reason you’re having trouble lies deeper inside you. The root of this problem is inner resistance based on a your shadow. Without doing the inner work along with learning these outer strategies, your luck won’t really improve with men. These are temporary fixes. Sure, you’ll take a baby step, but how long do you want this journey to your soulmate to take? If you’re ready to learn more about what it REALLY takes to get your soulmate, check out my last training webinar, “5 Steps to Finding Your Soulmate: How To Attract The Man Who Loves You For Who You Really Are” by clicking HERE and watching it at no cost. You deserve a man, not a boy. But you have to actually take action to get him.

Much (Tough) Love today,
Barry

Tags: meet a man, meeting men, over-giver, people pleaser, saying no