My Mom’s Struggle With Men And Feeling Good Enough For Love

The problem with pain is that it hurts. My Mom lived a lifetime in pain. The pain of loneliness. Of never feeling like she was enough for a good man. As a result, my childhood was a procession of men who seemed to treat her great at first, only to hurt and disappoint her, leaving her wondering why they didn’t call, why they didn’t care, and why they’d emotionally distanced themselves from her. I will never forget the day she reached bottom. I came home from school to find her in bed, at 3pm in the afternoon, surrounded by used tissues. Her eyes were red from crying. Such a stark contrast from the vivacious go-getter she was in her career as a real estate agent. So different than the woman I’d seen light up rooms as the life-of-the-party. But this was her out of her power, not in it. This was her wrestling with the serpent of feeling not good enough in the pit of her deepest fears. She looked up at me and in a wavering voice asked, “Why doesn’t anybody want me?”, then began to sob again.

Needless to say, this moment is indelibly imprinted upon my psyche. It’s a moment I recall whenever I encounter a woman who, blithely, halfway through her journey of dating men who treat her poorly, says “I don’t know what going wrong, but I think I’ll try X, Y or Z and see if that works” Usually they’ve gotten some new insight from a book (my Mom had a bookshelf full of these), some new idea or thought or advice from a friend or thing they listened to about men and relationships. And off they go, convinced their pattern of not feeling good enough will somehow change itself. This deep, persistent root cause of all the evil in their love life will somehow be dispelled overnight after decades of destroying relationships.

There’s a reason my Mom died alone, and it’s not a reason I want to see you repeat. She didn’t get help changing her lifelong subconscious pattern. She tried to figure it out herself. And watching the process was as painful for me, as the pain she endured feeling rejected and unsupported by men. The difference between the women who attract love with a real soulmate and partner to share their life with together (the good days and the horrible days we sometimes have) and the women who end up alone is their level of self-honesty and humility about needing help.

No one changes a lifelong pattern alone.

I don’t care how smart you are, which Ivy League school’s degree hangs on your wall, what corporate ladder you now stand atop, how tough or strong you’ve been surviving the ordeals of your life and raising a kid (or kids) on your own… this is the ONE thing you cannot do on your own. And THAT’S OKAY. Love is about connecting. About vulnerability. About letting someone IN. The women who get this, allow someone in to help them break their lifelong pattern of pushing healthy men and relationships away. They get help ending the self-sabotage. The women who still can’t let go of the ego, “I’ve got it all under control”, or who feel more fear of facing their feelings of not being good enough than fear of suffering loneliness and dying alone are the ones who stay stuck… and, ultimately, after a string of relationships with men they settled for just to stave off some of the loneliness, they die feeling like no one ever truly understood them, or loved them for who they truly are.

What I am saying is — It’s a CHOICE.

You have a choice. And the only thing holding you back is fear. My Mom was too terrified to let someone else in to help her work through the things that had planted seeds of low self-esteem deep in her psyche. The only time she attempted it was through therapy, and that was just too much, too deep, too much living in the past. She lasted only a short while before she stopped going. I am not saying “Don’t go to therapy”, I am saying, “Don’t expect therapy to change your lovelife anytime soon”. If you want a soulmate and a healthy relationship, inner work alone is not enough. The pain of the past is not a healthy place to spend our time unless we feel empowered to be changing our pain in the present. Going to a therapist who drudges up past pain, and works through childhood stuff may help you over a decade, but will usually create more pain and sadness initially as you feel these deep feelings. Life coaching makes sure you are doing things to be happy today, to be loved today, to only work on the past when it is blocking you from PRESENT happiness. Why spend all of your time going over past pain unless you have a plan and actions for creating the relationship and life you want TODAY?

Today is ALL we have. And today you get to make a choice. do you want to stay on the path of pain that leads to dying alone, feeling like you were never enough — or do you want to get a coach who will guide you through doing the work to change yourself and feeling truly loved for who you are by a man who is your equal.

Are you ready to declare you are enough?

If your answer is “Yes” then click HERE and tell me how I can help you.

Much Love,

p.s. here is that link again to make sure you don’t struggle alone anymore http://datemennotboys.com/soulmate

Tags: barry paul price, choice, dating mentor, decision, deserve, good enough, love, man, mindset, Mom, self-acceptance, self-esteem, self-love, self-worth, spirituality, therapy