How To Cure Loneliness Today

As I drove to work this morning, I began counting the number of cars I passed. Parked cars. Driving cars. Hundreds, upon hundreds of them. Then I looked up at the thousands of apartment windows overlooking the streets. If we live in a city, we are absolutely surrounded by thousands of people daily. So why are so many of us feeling isolated, and lonely? I work with women who want to bring deep love and intimacy into their life. Women who want to find the right man and feel that deep connection. So I asked myself, “How can we be surrounded by so many people yet not feel connected?” The answer, clearly, isn’t because there is no one to connect with. That’s the story we can tell ourselves, and if we tell it to ourselves often enough we will even begin to believe it. “It’s so hard to meet a good man.” or “Where can you actually find a man?” are phrases I hear all the time from women.

But you are asking the wrong question!!!

The right question is, “Why am I not connecting with people around me in a deeply satisfying way?” Why are you not connecting to the thousands of people you move among daily?

Because in my experience, that is what draws love into your life. That ability to be open and connective everyday, everywhere… not just at a singles event when you spot a ‘good prospect’ and try to turn on the charm to get him. By then, it’s entirely too late.

So here’s a little secret for you — Connection begins with connecting to YOURSELF.

“Oh, I already know that. This is that self-love, self-care, be there for your inner child type stuff…” you may be thinking. And you probably HAVE heard some version of this at some time. You know why? Because it WORKS. So whay aren’t you doing it? Why are you still alone (in the way you most wish you felt connected… romantically). It could be because you feel nervous at the idea of just trying to meet people. But who said you have to meet them? You just need to be open to connecting. Let me explain the difference.

The difference is, that even though connection BEGINS with connecting to yourself, it doesn’t END there.

As I sat in a meditation this morning, I noticed my monkey-mind kept distracting me from really feeling peacful, aware and present. Finally I got to a point where I allowed out the sound of traffic outside to still be part of my awareness, yet also became aware of ME. Of myself. Of how I was feeling this morning physically, emotionally, spiritually. Now, I’m not a super spiritual guy, but I began to meditate precisely so I wouldn’t live in my head so much. So this morning, when I suddenly lost track of the distracting thoughts in my head and just felt aware of being there in that chair and breathing, I thought “Here I am! I’m aware of me! I’m connected to myself.”

And that’s when it happened.

Suddenly, I became aware that I wasn’t alone. I ‘noticed’ the presence of the other meditators in the room around me. I remembered WE were all present. That leap from “I am here” to “We are here” may sound small when you read it, but when you FEEL it, it feels like you are expanding and connecting to everyone around you. An amazing sense of safety, connection, and well-being came with it.

Connection began with me connecting with myself, and letting go of all my mind-chatter until I calmed down and felt centered… then, and only then, did it allow me to become aware of the fact that I was connected to all the people around me.

Coming out of that meditation, I made a commitment to take that practice into my day, because realizations and insights without action are useless. I committed to simply say “Hi” to a lot of people today, and not take people’s full range of reactions personally. I wouldn’t expect the outcome, but I would pledge to invite connection today.

I already have a wonderful wife in my life, but the effects of this decision led to the most amazing day (and in a moment, I’ll tell you how it will make your day amazing too, as a single woman searching for love). People have been warm, smiling at me, interacting, being friendly, kind, connective and feeling so connected to others has helped me immensely. When challenges arose today, they did not bother me as much. I am calm, content, and safe.

So what does this mean for you? Imagine the power of feeling connected instead of alone. Of feeling safe… it lets you be truly yourself. Reveal the authentic you to other people. What are we waiting for? Saving our warmth and connectiveness like it’s the good china, only to be brought out on the day in the future when the right special guest shows up…. it’s just wrong. We need to be inviting connection always. Every day of our life, we need to live. So today, find those five minute to connect with yourself until your worries about the past and future quiet down. Then see if you can become aware of all the other people who exist with you today. In this moment. All of us here, together, just having a day.

Then go out there, and let them connect with you.

Because, you know what? There’s a chance they may be lonely too, and your smile or “Hello” might just change their day.

Much Love,
Barry

p.s. – in the spirit of connection, I’d like to offer you my 21-Day Soulmate Love Meditation for free! Just go to http://www.datemennotboys.com/love2 if you would like to experience deep love and connection!