How To Tell If A New Man Is Telling The Truth or “Too Good To Be True”

I’ve spoken with a lot of women. Single women. Married women. Women who have just been dumped. Women who were dumped without ever being told they were being dumped (he just disappeared). I’ve heard women recount how men seemed great at first, and said all the right things, but then, at some point, he changed. He stopped acting like she was important. He started to treat her as a nuisance, or avoid getting back to her. Other women endured men who seemed strong and secure, talking a good game until they started dating seriously, at which point their insecurities began to surface and turn her off.

So today, I decided to help by letting you know how to tell if a man’s going to walk his talk. That would help, right? Okay. Here’s what to look for:

#1
Is there sexual tension already? Even a low grade attraction or chemistry? If so, there is some chance his mouth will get ahead of his own common sense. The way to weed this out is not to turn off the attraction, but to enjoy the tension while making sure you trust yourself (Yes, trust YOURSELF). Do not give in to temptation before he has really put time and effort into courting you. When you are lonely, it’s sometimes hard to avoid grabbing the cookie (or nookie, in this case) that’s right in front of our eyes. But he will feel your inner conflict if you are yearning to accelerate things physically and he *will* begin to say what he needs to say to help nudge that along. The problem begins when he senses your uncertainty in your ability to hold your own boundaries.

To stop having men use you then disappear, you must make sure he has shown you enough effort through emotions , time and energy (not just words or spending) to prove his interest level in you. That includes him going out of his way for you. Yes, he SHOULD be willing to prioritize seeing you sometimes. No he should NOT be sulky if you don’t end up having sex. And that’s where many women flinch and give in, from fear of losing him. That’s low self-worth, ladies… that’s fear YOU are losing out on keeping HIM. If you want a respectful soulmate who loves you for more than sex, then the way to get it is to work on your self esteem with tools like my Loveworthy Toolkit until you are CERTAIN HE is the one who would be missing out on having YOU, an amazing woman, instead of vice versa! You know that phrase “I’m lucky to have you”? Yeah, he should be thinking that about YOU. But he won’t believe you are a catch until you believe you are a catch.

So, gas-brake-gas-brake… a little self control allows a relationship to take root. No one is saying you have to hold off forever, but make sure he is showing up with actions, not empty promises or overly grand gestures (beware romantic gestures that seem ‘showy’ and focus more on little considerate things… does he bring you soup when you are sick and look terrible? Bonus points, as he will not be getting any sex will he? So this is likely a sincere action). All of that said, if you decide you’re horny and just want some damned great sex then go ahead, but be honest with yourself… if you have sex too soon you’ll destroy the chances of a lasting, loving relationship.

#2
Observe the rest of his life. What type of friends does he have? What sort of finances and job? How does he care for his body? I guarantee there will be clues that he is a guy who has real substance, or a guy who is all about the short-term, the surface level. A guy whose main focus in life is high-risk, quick-reward investments is unlikely to be the same guy who settles into a long, meaningful courtship with a woman. You want a guy who takes his time and accepts what *is* rather than trying to quickly get to *what he wants* in any area of his life, because the way he approaches the rest of his life is usually the way he will approach dating. Observe his social environment, for instance. Are his friends people who reflect a person with high integrity? A man is the sum of his nine environments (body, financial, self,, spiritual, relationships, network, etc.). So, instead of judging him solely on how he acts towards you at first, see how he acts in the rest of his life. Some women, sorry to say, simply haven’t built the skill of noticing clues in a man’s life. This is simply a lack of having being taught what to look for, ladies! Like anything, it’s a skill you learn. If you continue to miss clues about ‘creeps’ you may want to get a coach train you to spot your blindspots.

#3
How do you responding internally when he’s saying “all the right things”? You know, the things you most desire to hear a man say. Because it’s your reaction (that you don’t think we can notice, but we *do*) that encourages men to keep telling you what you want to hear.That doesn’t make it right for men to do this, but it’s fact. They see it’s getting them the desired response. We are not as unobservant or un-inuitive as ladies think, despite the many dumb things we do! When a lady hears we own our own business, and she feels that amazing excitement tingling inside herself as she is thrilled we are financially stable, we can see and *feel* her lighting up. Why is she so excited by our success unless she is hoping it will somehow benefit her? That feeds our ego, but it also turns the dynamic away from getting to know each other, and straight into a stimulus-reward transaction where the man will want to press your button *again* to get more of that reaction.

He will begin telling you more things to impress you or convince you he is your dream guy. Why? Because inside, you are quite attached to the outcome. You are lighting up internally because you are like a person finding water in the desert. You are treating his reality (having a business) as if it’s great news FOR YOU. That’s the issue. Want to solve that? Here’s the solution: become so happy with how your life is going, that any man is simply a bonus, NOT a solution to any unmet desire. When I asked a woman who had been very happily married for ten years what was necessary for a woman to attract the right man she said, “When I was out meeting people, I really didn’t care if anyone asked me out, or if they ‘chose’ me. I was just having so much fun being myself.” Now that doesn’t mean you don’t ‘need’ a man, it means you are simultaneously okay without one and know your good life would be even *better* if shared with one! It means you are unattached to the outcome of meeting a man. And you can get to know him without fantasizing about or fearing how things about him ‘may’ affect you if you start dating. That way, if a guy owns his own boat, she wouldn’t feel excited… because who cares? She may be happy *for him*, “Oh that’s great that you enjoy sailing!” That’s a nice sentiment. We appreciate that you’re happy for us. We don’t appreciate that you’d like us and our boat to help make *you* happy if you’re not already there. Heck, it’s not your boat yet, is it.So slow down a touch and stay in the present moment. Do not get caught up in future-fantasizing about a man. It’s a ‘good sign’ he is close to his mom? Why? Are you marrying him? No, he is a stranger you are meeting and it’s irrelevant at that point. Listen to us from a place of sincere interest in our lives, not a sincere interest in how our lives will affect *your* future! Try it. It works. And you’lll also get to enjoy the conversation way more when you no longer have to analyze how what he is saying may impact your life.

But hey, none of this matters unless you sort out why you’re attracting this sort of guy in the first place! Sure, you could spend the rest of your life weeding out and fending off boys hiding in a man’s clothes, but that won’t solve the real problem. The real problem, in case you haven’t guessed, is how to actually attract the RIGHT man. How to get rid of the hidden signals you are sending to losers, and start sending the signals that have your soulmate notice you from across a crowded room. We don’t have time to get into that in depth today, but I promise that as you continue to follow these articles (and the free training webinars I occasionally offer) I will share with you all the steps to get you there. Stay tuned!

Much Love,
Barry