Five Dating Don’ts That Drive Guys Away

1) Acting Too Independent

Most modern women are also strong and independent. It’s good that modern women can be self-sufficient, but when a guy is  starting a relationship with you, refusing to receive his offers of help, gifts, or support sends the message there’s no space for him in your life. “You’re Not Needed Here” vibes make him feel as unnecessary and unfulfilled as Lady Gaga’s therapist. Some men move on as soon as this happens, others simply offer less-and-less of themselves until they become needy and dependent on the strong woman (you!) both emotionally and financially. Many potential princes turn into frogs this way.

2) Making A Good Impression

We should all try to put our best foot forward with the opposite sex, no one disagrees with that. Being well groomed is a must. But too many women put on an ‘act’ when first meeting or dating a new guy. Maybe you hide your true quirkiness or idiosyncrasies, afraid the person will be turned off. Some ladies outright lie about their job, finances or relationship status to supposedly make a good impression. This sets up a ticking time bomb, delaying the inevitable parting of ways. It’s true that your first date may be too soon to tell a new guy about your multiple Facebook ‘fan’ stalkers, or that you have fourteen rescue-iguanas at home. On the other hand, if you normally belt out “Vogue” at the top of your lungs as you drive (who doesn’t?), but stay quiet this time because he’s with you, then you’re missing the whole point of dating: getting to know each other! Hiding who you are is antithetical to dating. So, the next time you meet someone new, wear that Wonder Woman brooch you bought today and laugh at all your favorite “New Girl” jokes. As my (single) Mom once said, “If he doesn’t like me, I’d rather find out right now and move on!”

3) Having Too Long, and Too Specific A Checklist

It’s good to know what you want in a man. Some things are deal-breakers (91% of his wardrobe is baseball caps, 9%  ski hats). But too many perfectly sane, dateable women have such rigid, detailed checklist items for a potential mate that they filter out everyone. Here’s a good exercise to make sure your checklist is working for you, not against you. Write your list of traits of your ideal man. include his looks, personality, job (entrepreneur does count as one), religion, types of clothes, favorite comedian or Forbes Man of the Year, hang-outs, hobbies, etc. Now make a list describing the type of woman he is probably dating. Describe her in detail. Compare her traits, activities, attitudes, etc. to yourself. If you match her description, you are well on your way to getting Mr. Right. If not, it may be time to think about how to improve your own list, rather than focusing on his. TOUGH LOVE! Bam!

4) Sleeping With Him Too Soon

When a guy has sex with a woman the night he meets her, or on the first date, yeah it’s fun, but it short-circuits the courtship process. That process, a prolonged earning of the female’s affection, has evolved over history as a way to weed out horny douche-bags who were not ‘in it for the long haul’. What’s too soon? That depends on the guy, but if you allow a man to jump this process, you lose a valuable filter for testing his level of interest and commitment. That’s not to say the occasional night of impulsive passion isn’t okay, so pour some wine or Patron and slip into something more comfortable. But you better know that body-shots aren’t typically the  foundation for a long, stable relationship.

5) Waiting Too Long To Sleep With Him

You may hold back on becoming intimate with a new lovable hunk for a variety of reasons. No matter what the reason, if you wait too long and he doesn’t understand why then he could misinterpret it as lack of interest, or lack of sex drive on your part.  If you’re just getting out of (or over) a long-term relationship and it’s a big emotional step for you to be with someone new, then tactfully share that with your new dude. If you’re stalling because you’re scared he’ll lose interest once he’s slept with you, then your instinct may be right and he may be more interested in the chase and the conquest than a long-term relationship . It’s up to you to decide who’s serious enough to deserve one-on-one time with kitty. Either way, keeping a man waiting and wondering will have him jumping to conclusions based on his own fears, and ultimately doom your dating.