Does Love Last? (Yes, Here’s How)

My client Jane wanted to know how to make love last. This led us into a conversation about the entire idea of lasting love. When we are young, sometimes we have these romantic notions where we see everything in black and white, everything as absolutes. We believe in the forever, fairytale style love, then we may find that we end up having teenage summer dalliances, or vacation trysts. Things that are intense but short lived. Other times we might get into a balanced, lasting relationship.

Relationships aren’t like a piece of furniture you buy and bring home, they are more a plant, something you need to continue cultivating, feeding and care for. A loving relationship, one in which both people feel love towards one another can last for as long as both people’s needs matter in the relationship and to one another. And so long as your values and priorities are lined up. Part of love has a lot to do with feeling fully expressed through the parts of ourselves that need to be expressed. Like my client who was promoted to the director level, a very ambitious woman who had climbed the corporate ladder, her life was also full of over responsibility, overwork. The person who she was most attracted to over and over again in different forms and with different names was anyone who could bring out that irresponsible, fun, carefree and silly side of her.

For her, love was about getting all of her unexpressed needs met. Another client of mine was a traveller who had been all over the world. She embodied the statement ‘ a rolling stone gathers no moss’, yet she yearned to be settled down, despite feeling unsettled. Through the healing work that we were doing, she began to express that side of herself more, the side that wanted to be secure and settled and not constantly changing. The man she fell in love with was a perfect balance of both. He had been stable, settled and secure for most of his life and had just retired and wanted to begin travelling. Knowing our values and priorities at this time, can help us really understand the person who we fall for and feel for.

How long can love last? Well, how long are you willing to spend staying in tune with someone’s authentic self and you being authentic, what you really desire and what is really important to you. How long are you willing to put effort in, to make the time to pay attention to one another, to give and receive the emotional love languages to one another, whether it’s through words or acts of service. The tree of love so to speak, needs your attention and care. So how long can love last? Well, if it’s only meant to be a short brief interlude, then that is what it is meant to be. If it is meant to be fed and nurtured over a lifetime, with beautiful commitment between both people tending to the garden of their relationship and love, then that’s how long it’s meant to last.

Do not fall into the trap of thinking you can just bring love home, get a guy and not have to tend to the relationship. It is also important to not hang on longer than the feelings are truly there, longer than the relationship serves you. Sometimes love goes away on one side or the other because the person’s priorities and values change. If we accept that shift in our true need, our true priority and value or in theirs. Then we can let go of a relationship at the time when it is meant to end.

Love is a beautiful thing but it has its own needs. Sometimes that need is freedom. How do you feel today, right now in this moment, about love? Is it something you believe does last a lifetime, should last a lifetime? Be careful of the shoulds and shouldn’ts, they are usually where we overrule what really is true and try to force it into the shape of what we wish it were. What is the truth for you today? Are you in love with someone? Are they in love with you? Are you tending to your love mutually? Have you fallen out of love or are you busy getting over someone? Love can last, but it takes two people who are aligned in their values and willing to put in the care, effort and work.

Much Love.
Barry

Tags: couple, dating, happy, healthy relationships, intimacy, long lasting, love, needs