The Experts Have It All Wrong About ‘Masculine’ Energy Versus ‘Feminine’ Energy In Women. Here’s Why.

Dear ‘Experts’ on the Masculine & Feminine… what are you doing?? I humbly submit that you’ve gotten it all wrong. I recently did an interview where I was asked “What’s the difference between masculine and feminine?” The thing is, asking the question, “What defines feminine vs masculine?” is inherently a VERY masculine thing to do! The masculine needs clear, delineated labels, narrowing things down, needs words to lock in the concept – whereas the “feminine” may be experienced as an evolving, organic sense a woman has of her being that is not one label, and not ‘anti’ something else. By the very defining of the feminine as VERSUS another trait we are using a masculine confrontational psychology. The feminine cannot be described in terms of the masculine.

So while defining the masculine in words can work better, to try and do so for the feminine is describing the feminine from inside a masculine viewpoint. I feel (not think) that it’s much more honest to feel our way through the feminine rather than reduce it, restrict it, or contain it. Come on everyone, just let it flow!

Now, that doesn’t mean live ENTIRELY and SOLELY in that side of yourself. I know some new-agers and yoginis who have a ton of trouble bringing ANY masculine energy into their life. They are all flowy-energy but never get anything done. No results. Can’t earn money. Can’t meet a guy. Can’t do earthly things. So it’s about having both energies and being in whichever is serving you at the time.

And THAT’S the real issue here — when powerful women hide out in their masculine side to feel safe in situations where they’d be better served by being in their feminine side.

But wait, you may say, how do we even cultivate a feminine then? If I am tired of being seen as ‘intimidating’ to guys, or feeling like I do everything and no one supports me with my needs, how do I get back to feeling like a lady? To letting my inner little girl feel loved and safe and nurtured, rather than just protected by my tough side?

Cultivating the feminine is so simple, it’s natural… in fact, it’s just about remembering you ARE a woman and allowing yourself to connect with what is ALREADY present. Here are some things that can do that for you (get ready, this is a list, and therefore masculine energy!):
– Connecting with feeling, and intuition
– Being powerfully in the present moment EXPERIENCE, rather than goal-oriented and directional
– Getting into a discovering mode, not a KNOWING mode
– Dance is one of the best fastest ways I have seen to evoke feminine connection and flow.

Some of the other methods depend on your “definition” of the feminine… compassion, caring, nurturing… Are those masculine or feminine? An argument can be made for both sides: Fathers express love and caring (ideally) and are they in their feminine when they do so. But a lot of Dad’s are STUCK and blocked in their feminine and THAT’S why they have trouble deeply emotionally expressing and connecting with their little girls. Many of these women later become clients I’m helping through the emotional-impact of having had an emotionally-unavailable Dad… and then dating emotionally-unavailable men. There certainly is a consquence and a legacy when we don’t get our masculine and feminine fully expressed!

If you want to know what’s feminine, it’s interesting to watch very little boys and girls — before the barbies phase gets is taught to them by people around them, before society defines the feminine for them. But to just observe how little girls and boys are when they interact. You’ll start to notice a few things. You’ll notice the spectrum. That some little boys are quite sensitive, and others are little brutes. That some little girls are very goal-oriented and directional, while others are all about giving other little kids hugs and flowers and sharing love and beauty. So you’ll see the full masculine feminine palette on display, in a non-linear way that does not rigidly attempt to define us.

No one is ALL one or ALL the other.

We are all a blend and that blends evolves and expresses differently at different points in our life and in different circumstances.

Then, when we become adolescents there is an awareness that something is at stake in this masculine or feminine identity, as we feel our bodies choose a side, so to speak. And as we become aware of our attraction to gender. Gay people will sometimes be attracted to the masculine or feminine energy in a person of the same sex – biology is irrelevant in that case. Other times, it is a biological, physical attraction. Similarly, powerful women can find themselves attracted to various expressions of masculine/feminine energy blends in men. This can be healthy or unhealthy, depending on whether she is choosing a man from love or from fear — for example, dating a man you can control because it feels safer and non-threatening emotionally, is not a healthy expression of this. So really we ARE talking about energetic identity here, more than anything. Your OWN and the men you attract. Polarity. Am I balanced in my two sides, do I need someone who is balanced? Am I strongly in my masculine side and do I want someone who is in their feminine side?

Today, I see more and more relationships with powerful women that depend on both partners being very fluid in which energy they are in. Sometimes, the man will shift into the feminine energy to balance the partnership, but knows when it is time to shift into his masculine protector, provider, ‘I’ll take care of things and you’ instincts so she can relax into enjoying receiving that. But these roles are less rigid and fixed now, so there HAS to be more connection to ourself so we can feel our intuition and more connection and communication with partners so we know when to switch in and out of each side. It truly is a partnership, more than ever before, and partnerships do take work and awareness.

Much Love,


p.s. – To hear more about how powerful women can connect to their feminine around men, check out my live talk about soulmates, including a section on the Masculine & Feminine at

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