Tons Of Guys Want You, But Still No Boyfriend?

Dating Problem - Attracting The Wrong Guys

One of my clients recently said, “I have no trouble attracting guys. That’s not my problem.”  When she said this, I realized that a lot of single women out there don’t understand how they can have so many guys approaching them all the time yet still not have a boyfriend or husband.

Well, let me explain it to you! Let’s think about what goes into making men approach you. What each man looks for in a woman, of course, depends on the man, and the stage of life he’s at right now. A twenty-something frat boy is going to select different women than a divorced CEO will select. That’s why it’s always best to start by considering the type of man you are interested in. The number one thing most men want in a woman for a long-term relationship is confidence in herself. This means confidence in how she carries and presents herself. Oh, you thought the answer was “looks”? Well, sure that may be the first thing a guy sees, but even the prettiest girl because unattractive very quickly if she is annoying, clingy, insecure and needy. Of course, looks are very high on the list, but not in the way you would expect. What matters most is that a woman clearly takes care of herself and takes pride in her appearance.

Long term relationships start with attracting the right guy instead of the wrong guy. Everyone has at least one friend about whom they can say, “Poor Sally, why does she always attract jerks?”.  Well, for a lot of reasons, including the way she presents herself, the places she meets guys, and the cues she sends and responds to when guys show interest. If all Sally attracts are jerks, it’s hard for her to end up in a long-term relationship with a with a great guy, isn’t it? But if Sally changes the things we mentioned above, she will gradually begin to repel jerks and attract great guys.

But it goes beyond that, because even if a great guy does meet Sally, she will still choose the jerk over the great guy without even realizing it! So many of my clients need to have their guy-filter re-calibrated so they stop letting the wrong ones through (by recognizing the warning signs) and start letting the great guys through.

Guess what? It goes even further! So now Sally learned to attract a great guy and choose him over the jerk. The truth is that she can still gradually teach him to act like a jerk towards her. We teach people how to treat us through our expectations and boundaries. That great guy who seemed so generous and complimentary at first can very quickly turn into a lazy toad with his ass implanted in the couch, and who now expects you to carry the load of the finances and housework. How the hell did that happen? Seriously, it happens way more than I can believe. I love helping women set the healthy boundaries and expectations early in a new relationship to make sure the relationship not only lasts but flourishes.

As a dating mentor, I believe the point isn’t to get you into a relationship, it’s to get you into a fulfilling one.

So the next time a guy approaches you, think of Sally and remember, the world may be full of jerks but it’s also full of great guys. Letting the right one in is entirely up to you.

Hear more of Barry’s dating insights at or email him at with questions and receive his newsletter.

Barry is a Dating Mentor and Trained Life Coach who used to help his single, successful Mom analyze her dates. He now supports six-figure female entrepreneurs to attract, date and maintain a relationship with the man of their dreams.


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